Development work is complicated. You will never completely blend in. Emotions or feelings from experiences, both high and low, are more extreme. Everything takes longer. Some days motivation is non-existent. Processing boundless information and experiences is mentally exhausting.
Being completely honest, the last few weeks have not been the easiest, with both work and life frustrations and the constant cyclical thinking that has plagued me here.
Work - It is hard to be motivated when it seems as if nothing is getting done, future actions or outcomes are unknown, and no one around me, including myself, is 100% behind the work they are doing.
Life - In a small town (village) with no street lights, one bar, a few stores (mostly "Chinese shops"), not many people your age to hang out with, and dangerous animals (hippos) out at night time, finding fulfilling sources of entertainment can be challenging.
Cyclical thinking - Never have I done so much thinking in my life (trust me, I already think a lot), and never in so many circles, without coming to any conclusions. I often tire myself out from processing experiences or trying to make sense of things or trying to solve problems. But more often than not, I just find myself more confused than when I started, with no answers and even more questions or hypotheses. And then, even if resolved somewhat or overcome, without fail, the same thoughts, questions and problems come back again in a few days or weeks.
But despite all the less than ideal situations I can pick out, there are of course always good moments too. So when people ask the extremely vague and open-ended question "How are you doing?" or "How's placement?" I never know how to respond; I can't possibly summarize or formulate this back and forth, positives and negatives, and all my experiences into adequate words or one general sentiment. Nevertheless, I can still confidently say that I am enjoying myself. It is in my nature to be positive and I am usually content at the end of a day, so my appropriately equally vague answer is "Good!".
So, with all the days that are up, the days that are down, and the days that are just too confusing because they are both up and down, I have summed up my attitude into this:
Being completely honest, the last few weeks have not been the easiest, with both work and life frustrations and the constant cyclical thinking that has plagued me here.
Work - It is hard to be motivated when it seems as if nothing is getting done, future actions or outcomes are unknown, and no one around me, including myself, is 100% behind the work they are doing.
Life - In a small town (village) with no street lights, one bar, a few stores (mostly "Chinese shops"), not many people your age to hang out with, and dangerous animals (hippos) out at night time, finding fulfilling sources of entertainment can be challenging.
Cyclical thinking - Never have I done so much thinking in my life (trust me, I already think a lot), and never in so many circles, without coming to any conclusions. I often tire myself out from processing experiences or trying to make sense of things or trying to solve problems. But more often than not, I just find myself more confused than when I started, with no answers and even more questions or hypotheses. And then, even if resolved somewhat or overcome, without fail, the same thoughts, questions and problems come back again in a few days or weeks.
But despite all the less than ideal situations I can pick out, there are of course always good moments too. So when people ask the extremely vague and open-ended question "How are you doing?" or "How's placement?" I never know how to respond; I can't possibly summarize or formulate this back and forth, positives and negatives, and all my experiences into adequate words or one general sentiment. Nevertheless, I can still confidently say that I am enjoying myself. It is in my nature to be positive and I am usually content at the end of a day, so my appropriately equally vague answer is "Good!".
So, with all the days that are up, the days that are down, and the days that are just too confusing because they are both up and down, I have summed up my attitude into this:
There are inevitable moments of loneliness, feeling of missing home and family and friends, questioning your purpose, or feeling that you are inadequate and that everything is hopeless. But there are always lessons to learn, ways to grow, new people to meet, and experiences and adventures to have if you are aren't afraid to take risks and be brave, have the positivity to see the light at the end of the tunnel, can appreciate the little things, and can laugh a little along the way.