I want to stay in Botswana - The longer I am here and the closer it gets to the end of placement, the more I want to stay and experience all there is to experience while I am still on this side of the globe. I am used to walking these streets and living in this environment and it all seems so normal. I like the freedom and simplicity of life, the chill attitudes and pace, nature everywhere, being outside and everything being open to the outdoors, riding in the back of trucks, walking around barefoot and the fact that this is 100% totally acceptable in practically every situation, locals joking about the strangest things, the humour I find in the most random situations I witness, risk seeming negligible.
I don’t want to stay in Botswana - Work is extremely lacking, not meaningful and I feel I have already done the work required of me for my organization. Things are just too confusing and frustrating sometimes. I am tired of my mundane daily and weekly routine. I am tired of my "Botswana wardrobe". There is still not a lot to do in Shakawe.
I want to go home - Things just make sense. Institutions and processes work. My family and friends are there. There is reliable transportation, electricity, water and internet. There are things to do anywhere at any time of the day or night.
I don't want to go home - Too many things are uncertain. I still have no concrete plans for the summer or the following year. The pace is different. I am scared of reintegrating myself into the real world and the life I left behind in Canada. There are rules and obligations and other people I have to conform to and try to fit myself into.
At this point, am I ready (physically and mentally) to go home? No.
Do I want to go home? Yes and no.
But do I have to go home at the end of April? Yes.
So I am going to make the most of what is left and keep reminding myself how lucky I am to be in Botswana. As a new friend here told me, I should spend the last few weeks "making fires", both literally and metaphorically, so that is exactly what I am going to do.